Anti-Gay Rhetoric 101: "Ex-Gays" (Part 2)

"7 Things I Wish Pro-Gay People Would Admit"
By Bob Davies
*Amusing commentary provided by yours truely. =)

1. I wish they would admit that some gay people are not happy with their homosexuality or lesbianism.

This is one of those situations where you throw the rock then get mad at the person for bleeding.  People are not happy with their homosexuality or lesbianism because there are large and very powerful elements of society making us misserable!  A perfect example is religion.  Stop for a moment and think about a world without homophobia or religion.  Do you still think gay people would feel bad about their sexuality?  No, of course not, because we wouldn't have people telling us it's bad.  So yes, despite what you say, it IS "internalized homophobia," because gay people are feeling guilty for something that they shouldn't feel guilty about.  So society has thrown the stone at us, and now you are surprised we are unhappy?  that doesn't make a lot of sense.

2. Gay people can experience change over time that is genuine even if it isn't complete.

I feel like this is more a "Pro-Gay" talking point than an "Ex-Gay" one (Side note, what does it mean to be "pro-gay?"  are they going for pro-equality?  pro-equal treatment?  supportive?).  I tend to agree that sexuality is fluid, but remember that sexual orientation as an element of sexuality can be either fluid or rigid depending on chemistry.  What's fluid is identity and behavior.  you don't suddenly become more or less attracted to men or women, you just become more or less conscious of it and willing to embrace it.  So our understanding of our orientation changes, but orientation itself is an unchanging biological reality.  I'm not a biologist, but I'm pretty well versed in psychological research on Sexual Orientation, and even the old research from the 60s, 70s, and 80s recognizes orientation as unchanging.  Isn't it time there people caught up?

3. Some people are happier and more satisfied having left the gay lifestyle.

Well, duh!  people aren't hating on you, society is more accepting, and you get the added bonus of being able to hate on all those people who you used to identify with.  of course you are happier.  But that doesn't mean you are healthier.  I think of it as the man who always goes to McDonald's.  Is he happy gorging himself on the delicious food?  Yes.  Is he practicing a healthy lifestyle?  No, of course not.  Eventually you will pay the price for eating all that bad food.  for "Ex-Gays" the price will be that they will once day experience such psychological damange from the build up of repression that they will be miserable or worse they will die having never accepted who they are.  Short term "gains" at best.

4. Many former gays and lesbians have found joy and fullfilment in heterosexual marriages.

Oye.  I'm not going to assume I know what is going on in these marriages, but I think the reality seems to be that these marriages are not as happy as these people would like to think.  Many marriages fall apart because of people suppressing their sexuality, and those that don't can probably attribute their success to unhealthy suppression by outside sources such as religiosity or family.  My other problem with this is that the population they are surveying to find all this out has an overwhelming vested interest in affirming their view because they are trying to stay in the closet.  So, of course they are going to say they are happy.

5. A) People have the right to puruse the heterosexual lifestyle B) There is violence against "Ex-Gays"

I agree, in fact, I agree whole heartedly.  Everyone has the right to choose their lifestyle without interference from others.  If a person chooses to reject their sexual orientation in favor of a more accepted lifestyle, that is their choice.  However, the reverse is true too.  People have the right to identify as gay and that should be acceptable as well.  The 7th point in this list seems to suggest you want recognition, but you aren't willing to give it out.  Hypocrite much?

As for the violence.  This is a joke.  It's like comparing a a car bomb to the holocaust.  The motivation, intensity and frequency are vastly different.  First, the motivation of a person fighting back against an Ex-Gay is defensive.  Ex-Gays are attempting to undermine the credibility of an entire community and standing in the way of full equality under the law.  The motivation of someone bashing a gay person is pure oppression.  In a sense an "Ex-Gay", by identifying as an Ex-Gay instead of heterosexual, is engaging in the oppression of gay people.  The second issue is intensity.  claiming that harassment and verbal abuse is tantamount to the physical and emotion violence experienced by the gay community is disengenuous at best, and down right criminal at worst.  A gay person who drives by your house calling you a bigot is not the same as a gay person being tied to a fence post, beaten, and left for dead.  That kind of thing also has a secondary ripple effect, making all gay people fear for their safety.  You can't argue that these are the same.  Finally, the issue of frequency should be addressed.  How frequently does the minority oppress the majority?  never.  because gay people are fight against people who want to oppress them, and ex-gays are in that group.  when violence against these people does occur it is usually because of some huge oppressive action (like Prop 8, although those protests were mostly peaceful albeit angry).  So, no "violence" against Ex-Gays is an attempt to create a false victimization surrounding this group in the hopes of garnering support for their oppresive mission.

6. Leaving homosexuality isn't hatred or bigotry

It doesn't have to be.  It could be one of the things I've mentioned before, where you are a bisexual or heterosexual who is simply maturing into their sexuality.  But most of the time, yes, it is the result of bigotry and hatred.  Don't even try to lie about that.

7. I wish pro-gay religious leaders would admit that their endorsement and promotion of monogamous homosexual relationships is a facade. Many--probably most--men and women involved in long-term partnerships are not sexually monogamous, but gay churches don't discipline members for committing "adultery" outside their "gay marriage." Neither do they discipline gays or lesbians who have sex before entering into a "holy union" with their partner.

See this is where their entire arguement falls apart.  If I were readaing 1-6 I might be convinced to feel some level of pity for these Ex-Gays, but in #7 they go on the offensive hard.  Talk about a broad assumption here.  You talk about not being the oppressor, yet here you are spreaading lies and falshoods about the people in our community.  some of us do not value monogomous relationships because our community is different and more accepting of sexual exploration, but to say MOST are not monogomous is a stretch for which there is ZERO proof.  And yes, people in the gay community who commit adultary are chastized just as much, if not more, than men in heterosexual relationships.  Women are not as mean as gays, so you can imagine what would happen if a guy cheats on his boyfriend.  They don't get forgiven.

That was a fun exercise.  Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Nothing like roasting the Ex-Gays to make you feel good about life.

Common Sense