Anti-Gay Rhetoric 101: "Ex-Gays" (Part 1)

I had the random (and somewhat unpleasant) urge today to look up the Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) website.  The first realization I came to is that their acronym is actually PFEGG, and a common sense reinterpretation of their name as Parents and Friends of Anti-Gays would make them PFAG.  I'm also curious why they include "& Gays" in their title.  Whether or not you think their mission is to hurt gays, it certainly isn't to help them, so it seems silly to include gays in the title.  Unless you are trying to legitimize your marginalization (victimization) by associating yourself with an already marginalize group.  hmm, maybe thats the explanation.

Well those things aside I wanted to address some of the things I found on the website.

Part 1: What is an Ex-Gay?
The website claims that ex-gays aren't necessarily men/women who have changed their attractions, they are simple people who have changed their orientation or lifestyle.  This isn't necessarily a bad argument, since "gay" is an identify not an orientation, a person could legitimately be ex-gay, but still homosexual.  The problem I have with it is that orientation is attraction.

Sexuality can be understood as some combination of three factors: Orientation, identity, and behavior.
Sexual Orientation: Sexual orientation is the physical, emotional, and spiritual attraction to a certain gender or genders.  If a man is attracted to men, you would say their sexual orientation is homosexuality.  If the same man were instead attracted to women, you would say he is heterosexual.  And if this man is attracted to both, he is bisexual.
Sexual Identity: Sexual identity is the label and lifestyle a person chooses to take on.  For instance, a homosexual might choose to identify as a "gay" man.  If they are less comfortable with the connotations of the word "gay" they might choose the more ambiguous term "queer."  Recently, queer youth have begun adopting unique words for their sexual identity such as "gaysian" for gay asians.
Sexual Behavior: Sexual behavior refers to the gender with which an individuals engages in sexual intercourse.  For a heterosexual, straight man, this is going to be predominantly women.  However, this is where the issue of "experimentation" comes in.  It is entirely possible for an individual to have sex with men but still be heterosexual and straight.  This is because behavior is different from Orientation and Identity.

You may never have heard of these distinctions because society has told you that there is only one acceptable combination, so sexuality has been dubbed as heterosexual, straight men who have sex with women.  Anything that diverges even slightly from this combination runs the risk of being lumped in as gay.

So, getting back to the argument by PFOX, attraction is orientation therefor what PFOX is espousing is not changing orientation, but changing identity or behavior through the suppression of all or part of orientation.  This is not new.  Religions have been doing this since the concept of homosexuality first came to light.  not surprising that some of the major tenants of the Ex-Gay movement are tinged with religiosity.

So what is an Ex-Gay?
I can provide three explanations for the existence of Ex-Gays.
1) Ex-Gays are heterosexuals who experimented with male-male sexual intercourse and may have even identified as gay at one time for the community acceptance.  After realizing that society doesn't like gays, they returned to a more societally acceptable combination. (Not a very likely explanation, but theoretically possible)
2) Ex-Gays are bisexuals who embraced their same-sex attractions, but decided to transition back to a more societally acceptable identity and behavior pattern, most likely for reasons other than healthy sexual development.  Such reasons may include religious indoctrination, social stigma, or family problems. (Somewhat more likely)
3) Ex-Gays are homosexuals who have chosen a more societally acceptable identity and behavior in order to avoid the persecution and stigma associate with being "gay."  This is usually associate with individual or family religiosity. (More likely)

So why don't I think there can be a healthy "Ex-Gay?"  Because if you were in fact a member of either group 1 or group 2 you would not need to identify as "Ex-Gay."  You would simply identify as straight. The only people who would feel the need to identify as NOT something are people who have a problem with the group they are attempting to avoid being associated with.  By saying that you are Ex-Gay you are making a point of say you are NOT gay.  that is very different from saying you are straight or you are gay.  Those are affirmative identities in which you affirm an identity, where Ex-Gay is a negative identity in which you negate an identity.

The point is that being ex-gay is the same as being anti-gay, because you are working to reinforce the "choice" argument that has been proven to be very damaging to the emotional and psychological health and well-being of homosexual and bisexual individuals.  Not only that, but PFOX serves to validate the unhealthy suppression of orientation because it mistakenly believes that orientation is akin to identity, when it is not.  Orientation refers to attraction which is recognizable chemical responses to arousing stimuli which have been observed a number of times in the past.  This is biological, and no one should have to prove a genetic link.  Race does not have a genetic link, in fact they have proven that there is no genetic link to race.  So why is sexual orientation held to a higher standard than another oppressed group.

This concludes part 1.  in Part 2 I will address the "7 Things I Wish Pro-Gay People Would Admit."

Get ready for it!

Common Sense